


Secret is a shade of Love

by chocolate_velvet



Series: The Other Name of Love [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Funeral, M/M, Widowhood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-13 14:31:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7980088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolate_velvet/pseuds/chocolate_velvet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in non-superhero modern day au, James Barnes had been living following orders unwillingly and lived with a man he hated in secret. He secretly yearns for the second chance with Steve but he is not sure whether he deserves it. On the day of the funeral of Alexander Pierce, Steve comes to Barnes in attempt to confess his undying love and devotion. Out of guilt and shame, Barnes denies it and tells Steve to go away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They bury him in spring when rain is the heaviest. The downpour wets the burial ground. The grass and mud clings on shoes like memory of the departed. Rain makes everything solemn, as if the Universe weeps to the death of Alexander Pierce, Secretary of State, Head of World Security Council, Director of SHIELD, Nobel Laureate of Peace, the dearest husband, father of two, and secret lover of James Barnes.

The last was only known to very selected individuals who vow to carry the secret to their graves. Some do it out of fear but the majority do it out of loyalty.

Steve is different from the rest, he keeps the secret neither out of fear nor loyalty but out of his personal reasons. He was never after the secret, he is never been a nosey type. When the secret came to him, he was after a man, James Barnes, his dearest friend, but to a few, he was Steve's secret lover.

It was the second year of him following Barnes like the star chasing the moon, from a fancy villa in Santorini to this graveyard in DC. When Steve found Barnes, he was bound and hidden from the rest of the world.

Steve sees Barnes, standing besides the new grave, alone but guarded by the Group. He is standing without an umbrella, his body is soaked wet but he does not seem to care. Steve inhales deeply as he walks toward his long lost love.

But he stops when he sees Pierce’s widow is walking toward Barnes. They stand side by side. She murmurs a sentence or two and Barnes answers, “Yes, Mam. Your late husband has been my boss for so long.”

“No, Mam. I don't know him beyond his working life.”

“If you don't mind, Mam, I'd like to have a final moment of peace.”

At that, she leaves him. She passes Steve, looks at him and asks, “Are you his colleague, too?”

Steve feels a lump stuck on his throat but he managed to answer, “Yes, Mam. Your late husband and I work together.”

She nods at the answer and walks away toward the car that has been waiting for her. When the car finally leaves, Steve walks toward Barnes.

There are so many things he wants to tell Barnes but he has to restrained himself so much.

“I know you,” Barnes says without turning his back, “But I can't remember who you are exactly.”

Steve lets his stomach drop.

“How much you can remember me?” he replies.

“We are best friends. We grew up together.” 

“We’re more than just friend.” Steve insists.

Barnes opens his mouth to retort but pauses. When he finally finds his words back, he asks angrily, “Why are you saying this. I'm still grieving from his death.”

“Do you remember your name?”

“James Barnes.” Barnes answers.

“Do you remember who I am?”

“No! You better leave.” Barnes sternly says.

Steve is still searching the right words when he sees a group of men gathering around them.

Barnes stands straighter and walks away. Tailing behind him is a group of men clad in black. One of them comes really close to Barnes and put his arm around Barnes waist, leading him to a black car.

Steve is waiting until they all left before following them.

The entourage stops in front of a mansion where Barnes solemnly enters with a staggering sense of familiarity. He walks unhurriedly passes the front door and greeted by the expanse luxury of the drawing room. The water clings on his suit slowly drips to the floor. He walks in, ignoring the luxury around him. The next room is the inner garden, decorated with lush green, colorful flowers and a fountain. Barnes walks continues until he arrives at a corridor. From there, he turns left and faces the wooden door that leads to the master bedroom.

The door opens and closes with soft clicking sound. Once inside the room, Barnes removes his clothes and lets them pile on the floor, the water, seeped from the clothes and runs into tiny streams. Barnes quickly showers and put on new clothes.

The French windows are opened. The rain has stopped and the wind gushing into the room, playing with his hair. He fixes a drink for himself and sit by the window. The sky is sparkling with stars. The sun has set but the moon has not appeared. Barnes sips his drink slowly. The golden liquid slithers down his throat, leaving a pleasant warm feeling. That is all he needs, to get drunk with life that he would forget what he has lost.

But that is not the case. When he finishes his drink, he does not refill his glass. Instead, he swirls it, listens to the ice cubes softly clicking. His mind wanders back to the event at the cemetery.

How can he forget the meeting with that guy. This is nothing about physical attraction but a deep but long forgotten connection. He knows that man, in fact, he knows that man very well. That man could see through him that he was lying.

Barnes sips the remaining whiskey from the glass. It tastes more like water with a slight whiskey flavor. But he will not complain about the taste nor the strength of the alcohol, for he has drunk for the rest of his life.

He has drunk from Steve Rogers, beginning since their meeting in their childhood and throughout his adulthood. It is intoxication that he does not want to sober up.

But he did. At some point of his life and through an unfortunate turn of Fate, he sobered up from Steve. For years, he was made to believe that him living estranged from Love was his destiny. He did bow down to orders he was unwilling to follow and stayed with a man he secretly hated.

Now, Steve came back to his life, claiming what is his and knowing that Barnes can give the exact thing he wants.

The glass is finally empty. Yet the moon fails to rise tonight. It is only him with the stars.


	2. Chapter 2

The night drown Barnes deeper into the abyss. He wakes up by the foreign touch of his hair. He jumps and attacks the man crouches in front of him. Brock catches the fist before it hit him. His eyes watched Barnes with bemused look, hardly taking him seriously. 

“Easy, soldier.” says Brock playfully. He gently removes Barnes’ fist away. 

“What makes you so jumpy?” His hand reaches for Barnes, but the later evades the touch, “Are you expecting anyone?”

“Fuck, Brock! I didn't see you coming.”

“When I came, you were sleeping like a baby.”

“I am just checking, you know, in case you need anything.”

“I'm alright.”

Brock fixes his gaze upon Barnes. His eyes are searching, silently scrutinizing, when he cannot find the answer he is looking for, he walks toward the minibar in the room and pours scotch over two glasses full of ice. He pushes one glass to Barnes, which the later takes it reluctantly. 

“Who was talking to you at the cemetery?” Brock asks as he swirls his glass, the golden liquid languidly moves inside his glass. His eyes stays with Barnes. 

“I thought you know her. She's Pierce's wife.” Barnes answers. 

“I know Mrs. Pierce very well. What I mean is the man who talked to you.”

“Who was he?”

“Just a friend from my childhood. I hardly remember.”

“Are you sure? He's quite persistent.”

“Don't remember anything about him, but his name.”

Brock smirks widely, “You’re sure about that?”

“Look, it’s you who’s quite persistent here.”

Brock drains the remaining liquid, the ice swirls inside his mouth, they melt slowly. He stands up and ready to refill his glass.

“You want some more?” 

“No. I think I’ve enough.” Barnes answers. 

He pours half of his glass. “You know Pierce really likes you. You’re his favorite.”

“His family never knows about this property. He left this place for you. He always wants to take care of you.”

Brock drains his glass. He squatted in front of Barnes, his eyes were fixed. 

“Do you have even a slight liking toward him?”

“Please don't gimme that crappy shits.” Barnes stands up and walks toward the room.

“Deep down. You like somebody else.” Brock presses on. He can feel the truth starts revealing itself. He just needs to be a little but more persistent.

“Shit, Brock! I'm still mourning!”

Brock smirks at these words, showing off that he knows the truth behind those words.

“Let's believe that.”

Barnes grinds his teeth, “Leave.”

“Alright. But I'll come in tomorrow.”

“No need to rush. I'll be still here.”

When Brock leaves, Barnes walks inside the room. He looks around the dimly lit room and sighs. 

“You better come out.” He whispers, “Sneaking in is never been your specialty.”

A man emerges from the shadow. He does not say anything, merely stares at Barnes. 

“You're still stubborn, like before. Is there anything else I miss?”

“Buck. Please.” 

“No way, pal. This is private property and you're trespassing.” 

“Is that you really want to do? Turning me in for trespassing.”

“Hell, no, Steve. But, I need to know why you're following me here.”


End file.
